


Lay your head on me

by Mirha



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Boys Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 09:35:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15603462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirha/pseuds/Mirha
Summary: Ivan shares a room with Luka





	Lay your head on me

There was nothing Ivan liked more than sharing a bed with Luka. Laying next to his captain felt like home. Of course, he didn’t mind rooming with his others team mates, but there was something different about Luka, even back when they weren’t dating.

Ivan could spend hours listening to his ramble about next game strategy or staring at him when he was curled up around his pillow. He didn’t mind the soft snores that sometimes accompanied his sleep, nor the kicks in his shins when Luka dreamed he was playing football and mistook him for the ball.

And the first time Ivan woke up with Luka’s in his arms… There was no describing it. His heart almost burst as he tried to sort his feelings while his captain was holding him tight, his head resting over his chest. That day, Ivan understood. He was in love with Luka Modric and he would fight the entire universe to protect him if needed.

Still, when Luka twitched against him, Ivan faked being asleep to spare him the embarrassment of waking up cuddling with another man. Through his eyelashes, he could see the smaller man slowly coming to his senses. For a second, he looked confused, but there was no sign of disgust in his eyes, as Ivan had feared. Then, the impossible happened.

Instead of going back to his own side of the bed, Luka snuggled a little closer to him before falling asleep once more, leaving Ivan all flustered and confused. He stayed awake in bed for one more hour, just admiring how beautiful Luka was.

At one point, he even found enough courage in himself to slip a hand through Luka’s hair. His team mate stirred against him, but he didn’t wake up, only letting out a hum of contentment.

It then became a common occurrence. They would fall asleep on opposite sides of the bed, but by the end of the night, Luka’s limbs would be tangled all over Ivan’s. He always pretended not to notice and let Luka crawl back to his original place in the morning so things wouldn’t get awkward between them. He wasn’t stupid, he knew his chances of Luka loving him back were despairingly low, so he didn’t want to lose these stolen moments with him, knowing there would never be anything more between them.

During the day, he tried to muffle his feelings, to concentrate on training so he would be at his one hundred percent. He was only doing it for the team, he tried to convince himself, but deep down, he knew the truth. He was doing it for Luka.

He wanted to impress his friend, to give him reasons to be proud of him. Most of all, he wanted to see his smile beaming at him when he outdid himself, wanted to feel his arms around him when he scored on the field.

It all got more complicated when Luka started having another kind of dreams. There was no more chasing after an invisible ball, no more giving orders to imaginary team mates. Instead, Luka’s cheeks were flushed as he arched his back, lewd moans escaping his pretty mouth. He looked beautiful, all lost in pleasure, pleasure Ivan wished he was giving him.

Sometimes, it was only that, Luka whimpering in need as he thrust his hips against the covers. But on other nights, he would beg through it, driving Ivan crazy.

“Please, more…” “Yes, just like that…” “Fuck, don’t stop…”

Ivan tried to resist, but most often than not, he had to flee to the bathroom to release the tension building in his stomach. Then, in the morning, he did his best to act natural. A few times, he even faked not hearing the alarm clock so Luka could rush to the shower and get rid of his hard-on without shame.

Out of respect for his captain, Ivan fought hard to erase those moments from his memory, but it always came back to his mind at the worst of times. When Luka gave a motivation speech, he would remember how deep his moans sounded. When he let out a cry of surprise, Ivan would mistake it for a cry of pleasure. It went on and on.

Still, he thought he could endure it, until one night changed everything.

Luka was trapped once more in an erotic dream, even more passionate than his usual ones, it seemed. This time, Ivan feared his moans would be heard in the other rooms, too. Gently, he shook Luka’s arm in an attempt to distract him so he would quiet down.

“Ivan…”

He froze, his hand still on his friend’s arm, not knowing how he was going to explain the situation to Luka. He didn’t mean to wake him up, only to distract him from his dream, and…

“It’s… Ah… It’s so good… Ivan… Ivan… I’m almost… Almost there…”

In Luka’s mouth, his name almost sounded like a cry for help. The smaller man suddenly sounded so vulnerable, so desperate, him who was usually so strong… And in his dreams, Ivan was the one unraveling him in such a beautiful way.

This time, Ivan didn’t rush to the bathroom, but out of the hotel, hoping the cold air would help him calm down. He couldn’t stay anywhere near Luka, not when the urge to crash their lips together and to roam his hands all over his petite body was so strong.

He wandered through the streets until dawn, trying to compose himself. By sunrise, he knew he couldn’t stay silent anymore. This had to stop one way or another. When he came back to their shared hotel room, Luka was awake and confused.

“Ivan! Where were you? I was worried something happened to you.”

“No need to, I’m fine. But Luka, we need to talk.”

Ivan didn’t dare to hope much from this conversation. He expected Luka to be ashamed, to suggest they stopped rooming together, maybe even to accuse him of voyeurism for not bringing it up sooner.

Instead, it ended up with Luka being pushed against a wall, his hands down Ivan’s pants and his lips chanting his name once more. Not that either of them would complain.

After that, things got easier. Ivan didn’t need to simulate sleep to cuddle with Luka anymore. On the contrary, his lover always seemed touch deprived, always seeking his caresses, jumping into his arms any occasion he got. Ivan liked to joke by comparing him to a clingy koala, but that didn’t make him stop.

They also shared moments of intimacy, where their cuddling would slowly grow into something more. Sometimes, it was Luka straddling Ivan as his hands firmly guided his captain’s hips. On other days, it was Ivan who pushed him into the mattress. Luka’s eyes would grew wide with desire as Ivan’s lips wandered all over his body. It always ended in the same way, though, with both of them out of breath, their hair disheveled and Luka laying his head on Ivan’s chest so he could listen to his heartbeat. It brought him reassurance, he said. Not that Ivan needed a reason. All he wanted was for his Lukita to be happy.

It wasn’t always rainbows and sunshine, though. After a defeat, they would go back to their room in silence, looking for the strength to carry on, not to be submerged by the weight of disappointment. In those moment, Luka closed up like a shell. He barely responded to Ivan’s tender gestures, staring right in front of him, his eyes empty. It took all of Ivan’s will to slowly bring him back to reality with kind words and tight hugs. Then he would cry against his shoulder until he fell asleep.

In the morning, once the pain faded a little, he would worry about Ivan, apologize one hundred times for not comforting him the previous day. Ivan would always laugh it off, say that it was alright, that he could be strong enough for both of them, but it made him feel better, knowing that Luka cared.

But defeats weren’t the worst. Ivan could handle defeats, because he understood how Luka felt, knew what it meant to have so much pressure on his shoulders, for people to expect so much from them.

However, he was lost on the nights when Luka would randomly start to shake in his sleep, a look of sheer terror on his face. When he woke up from those dreams, he wasn’t the captain of the Croatia NT anymore, but just a small kid frightened by the rage of war and the sound of bombs.

It was a cruel reminder of how much Luka had been through before climbing his way up to success. When it happened, he thrashed against Ivan when the taller man tried to take him in his arms and lull him back to sleep. It could take him hours before Luka would calm down and by then, he was shaking from head to toe, his cheeks glistening with tears.

“You’re safe, Luka. It’s me, Ivan. Everything is alright. The war is over, no harm will come to you.”

When he managed to wake him from his nightmares, comforting Luka afterward was easier, maybe because he didn’t have enough time to travel too far into his sad memories. But on other nights, Ivan slept too soundly and didn’t hear the struggle of his boyfriend. Those were the worst, especially when Luka would try to handle the crisis on his own.

“It works most of the time. I don’t want to wake you up for nothing, you need your sleep before important games.” Luka argued when his lover confronted him about it.

Maybe it was true, but all Ivan could remember were the times when it didn’t work. He would turn around to kiss Luka good morning, only to find him frozen, his eyes devoid of any emotion. And when he touched him, Luka would start to scream and shake and cry. Experience had taught him his presence wasn’t enough to bring Luka back to sanity when he was in that state.

“Luka, please love, listen. I’m coming back here, I promise, I just need to go find some help. Just on hold until I come back, okay?”

He had no idea if his lover could hear him or not in this state, but he had to make sure he didn’t believe Ivan was leaving him alone. Once it was done, he would rush to Danijel’s room. Someone else might have been jealous, to know that by himself, he wasn’t enough to bring peace to his lover. Not Ivan. He was ready to sacrifice all his pride if he could bring his boyfriend back to his normal state.

“It’s Luka. Again.” He would simply say.

No other word was needed. The goalkeeper would follow him through the hotel until they reached Luka’s room. When they entered the room, a light of recognizance would flicker in Luka’s stare upon seeing his childhood friend. Not that it was enough to chase back all his demons. 

It took both of them to reassure Luka. They squeezed their way onto the bed as best as they could, Luka between them, so he would know he was safe, surrounded by people who loved him. Ivan would keep him close to his chest, where Luka could listen to his heartbeat, all while caressing his hair, while Suba would whisper, gentle, reassuring words, things they shared back when Luka was still a child.

After a while, the tension would leave his body, and once he came to his senses, Luka would try to apologize to them a million times. They would never let him go through with it, knowing it wasn’t his fault.

Ivan never asked about his nightmares. It was a very intimate subject for his lover and he didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. Luka would tell him about him once he was ready. There was no need to rush it.

The explanation finally came, one night, when they were cuddling close, Ivan peppering small kisses on his shivering neck.

“Ivan, you know, about the nightmares…”

His voice wavered for a second, but Ivan stayed silent, giving him all the time he needed to process his words.

“The reason they’re getting so bad, it’s because… Because I dream that I’m back in those hard times, but this time, it’s you… It’s you who dies. I’m losing you, and there’s nothing I can do about it…”

“Oh, Luka. Don’t worry, I’m right here and I’m not leaving you.”

“I know, I know, it’s just… You have no idea how much losing you would hurt me.”

“I do, Luka, trust me. Each time you’re having a panic attack, I’m terrified just by thinking that I could lose you forever, that if I’m no strong enough to help you…”

“You are, Ivan. You always are. I know I can always count on you.”

Ivan closed the gap between them and held Luka against him before kissing his forehead. The smaller man sighed in contentment as they enjoyed the moment. Ivan closed his eyes, feeling at peace.

Sharing a bed with Luka could be a totally different adventure every night, sure, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world. His place was here with his Lukita, his friend, his captain.

His everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you a lot for reading, I hope you enjoyed the fic ^^ Don't hesitate to leave kudos and comments :)
> 
> Also, here's my tumblr :footballcursed


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